I am not a Christian

          Warning:  This is blog is not intended to offend or piss anyone off.  This blog is purely about me speaking up in what I truly believe in and don't believe in.  By the title, you may already assume that I am not a Christian and this may offend those who believe in god.  If you are not willing to hear my opinions, then please do not continue to read further. 

          For those who have read my blog post "My Religion", you read the beginning of my journey to no longer have faith in the christian god.  For those who have not read it, click the words "My Religion" above to read it.  The post consisted of me introducing a new religion to follow instead of the christian faith.  It was basically me testing the waters before I dove in to express my true feelings. 
          
          This is never an easy thing to do... come out about being an athiest.  I mean the word athiest just seems so crude and always seems to get a negative outlook from outsiders.  There are a lot of people I'm almost scared to admit that I'm an athiest.  I have a fellow blogger that has honestly inspired me to build up the courage to speak out about my decision to no longer believe.  This is a woman that has had more struggles in life than I know how to even explain.  She is one of the strongest women I know.  Her name is Lori and was one of my fellow teachers.  Her blog "Why I left Christianity" (click to read) is something so powerful, it almost leaves me at a loss for words.  She speaks about her struggles in life in becoming an atheist and does it with such courage. 

            I am an atheist. I do not believe in god. More than less, I refuse to follow the christian faith. Nothing drastic happened for me to become this way.  I wasn't hit with a critical obstacle in life and suddenly questioned my faith.  I'm surprisingly at the highest point of my life.  The time at which I still believed in god, was the time all my major obstacles were hitting... yet, I still had my faith.  I still prayed on occasion, I still asked for forgiveness, I was truly fearful of god... fearful of god?  Why should anybody be fearful of the man that supposedly dedicated his life for the love he had for us?  Well you can give thanks to the bible for that.  The book that gives all of us the reason to live... bullshit.  I'm sorry.  I'm trying my hardest to NOT be snide to the christian beliefs, but don't forget... the bible and the rules of god were all something I lived by once before too.  It's almost can be compared to someone who has lied to you your entire life and you get heated when discussing it.  Well, the bible is going to be the person in that situation.

          My point in writing this post is to show that atheists aren't all evil, cruel people. I'm aware I just called the bible bullshit... probably not the nicest thing to say, but most christians make us out to be some satan worshiping assholes.  We just don't believe in what you believe in... a god.  There are so many diverse views on what exists and what doesn't exist. This battle between atheists and christians is the exact reason people like me become scared to come out about no longer believing.  I've already been judged by friends for saying I'm an atheist.  Does that make sense?  You, the god loving christian, is going to judge me for not believing?  Alright take a step back.  We, the atheists, are the bad ones because we've made the choice to not follow the controlling and demanding faith of god.  I know that I would never treat a man like he was more holy than thou. I would never let a man win every fight, even when wrong, simply because he was a man.  I know that if I wanted to commit my life to another woman because I was in love, I wouldn't stop because its an abomination. I know I'm no longer going to let some man dictate my life that I have no proof of even existing.  Well, if that makes me the bad one... then damn, I guess I'm bad ALL the way to the bone.

          Not all christians are judgemental and hypocrites.  I have christian friends that are fully aware of my decision, but don't implant a judgemental bomb on my way of life.  If christians believe we are going to hell for "losing faith" and are going to be sent before god after we die, then please leave it to god.  By no means am I preaching my non-belief on you.  I'm not trying to enstill a god-free life on you and I'm not even expressing all my arguements on the christain faith, so please don't try to cram the "God loves you" speal on me.  If, and must I repeat IF, there truly is a god... the god the christians believe in, well then I am wrong.  Let me make this clear though... If I must stand before god after I die and have him make his judgement on me, I will choose hell.  Even if I'm given the chance to go to heaven, I will reject his offer and go to hell.  I do not stand by what the bible states and would refuse to live by anything it declairs. 

No matter what you view of me or what opinons you hold for me now, I'm not a god hater.  I can't hate something I don't believe is even there.  God is just "dog" spelled backwards, nothing special. 
                              Yours truly,
                           Amanda Rae