Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Pausing time

          Have you ever stood before a beautiful landscape such as the fog across the mountain tops or the sunset hitting against white caps on a river and just felt frozen... as if time wasn't moving forward... as if the world had paused just for a moment to let you soak in the beauty without worrying about the passing of time?  If time could only just really pause so we could spend all of our seconds day-dreaming into the beauty of this world.  Unfortunately, time doesn't pause.  Time doesn't ever stand still for us even when we most desire it.  It's simliar the serenity we feel from a slow song that sings all the right words speaking into a "stretched too thin" heart.  The way you feel the words sink into your skin as your eyes start to shut in a way hoping that it'll trap all the good vibes it's sending throughout your body.  We hope for that beautiful ending that makes us feel like all these troubles will fade away just like the rythym and beat of the song do.   But that's the thing... it doesn't fade away.  We are still standing on that mountain edge and hours have passed.  We are still laying in bed with our heaphones in and the song has just ended and now we lay in silence.  Nothing has changed.  Reality is still there...

          Those are the moments where we must learn our inner strength.  We so often find things to cover up our issues due to what it feels like to expose yourself to those around you.  In society I've realized very quickly that if you break down you're most likely one of three things...1. A liar.  Because who on earth would vent about such huge dilemmas unless they were just trying to get attention from a crowd of people they barely knew or barely cared (sometimes we can't tell the difference).  2.  Weak.  I mean, c'mon you really have to complain about things like this... children in other countries are starving.  3.  Damaged. All they ever do is get sad and cry about things going on in their life. I just can't take this negativity all of the time.  How... and excuse my maturity of language here... How fucked up have we all become?  Because I'm not going to sit here and hold myself holier than thou as if I've never put someone in one of these categories.  I'm all for being aware of your surroundings and understanding who someone is before they begin to take advantage of you or pull the wool over your eyes.  Yet, at the same time... when did our hearts shrink so small that we couldn't even give a saddened soul the time of day to feel like someone actually cared to hear their issues?

          I haven't posted in a blog in a while and the time lapse between each post is so far apart, that I'm sure nobody truly follows this piece of shit anymore.  I don't really care about that at this point in my life. Life has taken me in places I never thought I'd experience... or actually let me be honest... I thought I'd experience eventually, just not so soon. I won't even begin to "cry" about my issues into my post right now.  Honestly, my anger with society will cloud my judgement with what I want to write instead of what I should write.  I just hope that if at any second you found yourself thinking back to someone that tried to reach out to you and instead of giving them an open heart, you shut them out and didn't devote any time to helping them see things through... I hope you reconsider that thought process next time.  Because one day you will come to a point in your life where all you desire is someone to reach out to you and demand you to cry... force you to fess up to what's been going on in your life... make you tell them what's going on no matter how many times you tell everyone it's okay.  All because you were scared of whether or not they would take you serious.  All because you were scared they would place you in one of those three categories.   It's okay to be sad.  It's quite okay to be lost and need some help along the way.  It's okay to be angry with the way things are going and desire a time to vent.  What isn't okay is the lack of support we offer to those we call "friends". 

                                                                           Yours truly,
                                                                          Amanda Rae
                                                                 (someone you can talk to)