You Matter to Me

           Sometimes we all don't show how much we really appreciate the ones that deserve it the most.  Very rare do family members thank each other for everything they have done or do friends thank each other for always being there. I got thinking about the ones that truly matter to me and have impacted my life... and well, this is my way of showing how much you all truly do mean to me.

Mom,

           Where do I even begin?  You are the core of my inspiration. You are my drive to be independent.  You are my rock.  Not many people get to say their mother isn't just a mom, but a best friend. I can always confide in you and know you'll be there for me.  When you and dad got divorced, my views on life changed. Everyone will always leave... But I never put you in that equation mom. I knew you would never leave me.  For all the times I would be such a pain in the ass, you still loved me. You still did everything in your power to make me happy. For all the times I got in serious trouble and had to come home and tell you what I had done, you never judged me. You gave me my space and let me grow as an individual. All my weird views on life, my strange habits, and goofy acts... you embraced them all.  You always loved who I was and made me proud of every accomplishment I've have ever made.  The confidence I hold for myself is because of you. You taught me to love myself and never be anything but true to the person I am.  For me to never truly believe in love, I surely love you more than anything. I know I'm no longer living with you. I know you worry and wonder about where I'm going in life. Just know this, no matter where I go or what I do, I will always think about you with every step I take. I will always be your baby girl.

Katria-my sister,

           When we were younger, we didn't get always along. I was the brat and you were the sister who tried to always tried steer me on the right path.  As stubborn as I was, of course I didn't listen. It caused us to drift.  Now, you are my other half.  I couldn't ever imagine us not talking again.  Through out every rocky road I encounter, you're always there trying to help me get back up on my feet. You support me and defend me with everything I go through.  I'm now living with you and I can't think of many days that we haven't sat here and just laughed and had a good time.  We create a new inside basically every other day.  Every day we spend together is a good day.  I want to thank you for taking me under your wing and letting me come live you.  You have quickly become the closest person in my life.  You, mom, and I have all become so close to each other and I couldn't be more happy with the family I have. I truly love you more than I think I ever have.

Jason-my brother,

(brother-in-law, but nothing less than a true brother)

           Honestly, we used to despise each other. You hated me and I hated you.  Now, as I have grown older I know that our problems were only created because you were trying to help me improve as a person, I've come to love you more than I thought possible. You wanted me to embrace the better in myself and be the person you knew I could be.  Throughout the six years we have known each other, you have become the most important man in my life.  With you around, I know nobody is going to have the opportunity to hurt me and get away with it.  You are someone I look up to more than you probably even know.  Not only because you commit yourself to serving proud in the military, but because of everything you stand for and everything you've taught me.  For the future, I hope two things happen. One, I hope to someday have the knowledge for the military and football as you have. Two, I hope that one day I make the choice to get married and give you the honor of walking me down the isle.. showing to all the people in my life who my real protector is.

Heather Noles,

           You have showed me that true friends do exist. That not everyone stabs a knife in your back. Sure, we have had our ups and downs. But we never truly did anything so drastic to each other to sacrifice our bond as friends. You're the friend that listens and gives the advice that I need to hear, not what I want to hear. You don't sugar coat anything and that's what I've come to love so much about you.  You're real, something very hard to find in anyone.  I don't put on an act in front of you. I can be myself, you can be yourself, and together we are two of the biggest dorks I've ever known.  Throughout mistakes I have made in life, you never once judged me or thought less of me for what I've done.  We both know I've done a lot of stupid things, but you still stood by my side. I just want you to know that no matter where I go in life, I'll always be able to say, "I've got a best friend that lives in Florida and distance doesn't mean a thing!"

Sara Wilson,

           Sara, you saved me when I moved to South Carolina. You were the only true friend I had while I was living there. We knew each other for only a year, but I always felt like I had known you my whole life. In the time we spent together, we opened up to each other and shared all of our stories of what we encountered in life.  I know all your hardships and you know all of mine. I think that is what brought us together... we could understand each other.  I want to thank you for being the friend I truly needed while I was there.  Instead of going out drinking and getting myself in trouble, you and I just spent time together and created a bond that I will never have with anyone else. Sure, I've got another best friend... but you and I shared so many things in common and connected on a different level. I want to thank you for accepting who I am and for teaching me that someone new can become someone you trust.

John Ward,

           Another one that I have no clue where to begin.  You are my life long friend. You are the friend that I know I will never truly lose.  We have been friends for thirteen years and there hasn't been a day that I didn't think you wouldn't be there for me.  We both grew up and got into different crowds, but when we needed each other, we were there. Of course, I always needed you more than you needed me.  Such as all the times I had to move, you were there in an instant with your truck ready to work.  I still can't explain how much I respect and appreciate you for that. But when you needed advice or someone to defend you back in the day, I was always there ready to beat down anyone I had to.  We created a brother and sister bond that will never go away. Sure, we are older and can no longer sleep in the same bed and it be acceptable, haha, but I'll always remember my hotwheeling, drawing, adventuring, best friend. 

Will Barnhust,

           Unofficial husband? Brother-from-another mother? Cowboy?  Too many jokes and too many good times to even begin to explain.  You were just a damn mooch, haha. Eating all my food, wearing my clothes, and taking up my bed. No, you were a great friend. I remember any time a guy messed with me, you were there to make sure I was okay.  You watched out for me throughout every party or adventure we went on.  I will never forget all the days we would just sit in the garage and you would play your guitar as I just sat in awe of how amazing you were.  You were never really open with feelings and emotions, which is why when you wrote me a song... I couldn't believe it. So thank you Will for all the good times and being a genuine friend.  I know years down the road when we write or see each other, that bond we have always had will always be there. 

-For anyone that knows William Barnhurst (click to view his facebook), here is a song that he wrote and sang for me. The recording isn't top quality, but it's meaningful and you can't tell me his little British voice isn't adorable.  For anyone that wants to hear more from Will, go to his facebook and encourage him to write more songs.

           I hope you all know how much you mean to me.  As it may seem at times that we aren't as close or how much I really appreciate you is not surreal, always know that we may drift, we made fall apart... but y'all will remain a part of who I was, who I am, and who I will become.

                                        Yours truly,

                                      Amanda Rae