What justifies being alone?

          This is the point at which I throw my hands up in the air and surrender. Surrender to all the labels and finger-pointing at me. "You're stupid." "You can't possibly do that." "Don't think like that, it's not right."  Screw you all. Stupid? Maybe. I can't do it? Just watch me. It's not right to think as I do? I say, it's every bit of right. Right for the kind of person I am. 

          This blog seems more involved with my fight against society's norm than anything else. It seems as if every other post is a rant about my concerns lying with the mandatory action of falling in love. I understand all of your points. Being in love is probably a happiness that leaves a man and woman at a lost for words. Being in love makes you feel like you need nothing else. I thought I was there once. I believed for quite some time that my love was stronger than anyone I knew.  On the other hand, being in love with who you think someone is... is not being in love at all.  Throughout it all, I've had one serious relationship and that very relationship fell to pieces of deceit and lies. That's not love. That's being stubborn and choosing to put the bad behind closed doors. I have had more than that one opportunity to experience what the world craves, but let's face it... that other opportunity fell apart as well.

          So, my parents got divorced and I chose at the age of twelve to refuse all actions of falling for someone. To open up and expose all my weaknesses to someone. I didn't want to put myself out there to get hurt. Well, four years later I met a guy and... I exposed myself. I figured maybe he can prove me wrong. Two years after that road, I tried with another guy. As the story went on, my blueprints of building a life without love quickly became more sturdy.  All they did was prove me right. They did NOT create this image of non-belief of loving forever! This image was there before they all came into my life and this image will stand with out them as well. This image is what makes me alone.

          APPARENTLY, never wanting a relationship means you will be alone for the rest of your life.  What about the friends? What about my family?  Hell, what about my dog? They aren't going anywhere. My family damn sure isn't leaving me and my dog doesn't have a choice. My friends have stayed by my side throughout being single. What makes anyone think I'm going to be alone?  I'm just confused by the whole concept honestly. 

          This is all coming from recent fights I've been holding with... let's call them "believers".  Not a great word, but they believe in the whole picture perfect, loving forever world and I do not. Recently I did try to test the waters and give it a shot. It didn't work out. More than not working out, it pushed my beliefs even deeper. I didn't try it with just anyone and it didn't try it with just a skip and a hop. It took a long time for me to want to give it a shot, but eventually I got just shot down anyways. It's life, it doesn't always work out as planned. You move on and carry on. But now I'm back to thinking they way I feel most comfortable with. Everyone knew how I thought before, but now it's a crime. Oh hell no, Amanda can NOT want to live without a relationship. Amanda can not be alone...

          I'm going to say it, and I'll repeat it as often as I need to.  Living without a significant other is not being alone! It's not some horrible life. If you can adapt to making yourself happy and depending on only yourself, it's not a sad life. It's quite a comfortable self-induced happy life.  I am JUST as happy as anyone in love. I just know that I will never break my own heart, leave/cheat on myself, or fill my head with lies to make myself happy. Not reasonable, huh? Yeah, either is fighting with me to make me think the same as 95% of society. If you want to be in love, go find someone to love you. If you want to love someone forever, give it a shot. If you want to live "alone". Shit, more power to you. Just know that you're going to recieve grief and pity for being stronger than the rest that can't resist the power of love.

                              Yours truly,
                            Amanda Rae