Sunday, November 27, 2016


          There is a time in life when the blood in your body rushes faster and faster through your insides and you feel this warmth consume you.  You start to feel your hair on your arms raise and this chill in your back makes you quiver.  Your mouth becomes dry and it almost seems like your grip could be strong enough to crack a coconut.  This moment could be from extreme heights of anger or this moment could be from ground-breaking joy.   The way our bodies react physically to emotional stimulation has always fascinated me. I felt this rage of physical changes in my body.  I looked in the mirror. 

          I don't know a single soul that hasn't dealt with self pity.  Some cases are worse than others.  At the end of the day, we all have something we dislike in ourselves and struggle to overcome. As I said, some cases are worse than others and that was me. I was a freaking basket-case, for a lack of better terminology.  If it was socially acceptable to black out all mirrors in my home, I would have done so in the past.  I let demons consume me.  They crept into my thought processes and I blamed myself for every single bad thing that ever entered into my life.  No matter the situation, it was my fault. Some mistake in the past led to this moment in my life and I deserve this.  I deserve this agonizing pain.  But I looked in the mirror yesterday. 


        For the first time, I felt that raging passion of emotion running through my body for me.  It was all for me.  I looked in the mirror and I saw me for the beautiful woman I am.  I do not deserve harm.  I do not deserve to be consumed with demons... demons from situations or demons in people. People around you time and time are going to try and break you down.  People who know your demons will grab on to them and use them as pushing points.  People who don't love you throughout your journey will try and make you not love yourself.  But I have a question that I'm having a hard time answering for myself.  Is it okay to expose the demons of someone else?  

          Let's just say Bobby Joe had an issue with the color purple.  You knew this, because you helped Bobby Joe get through this situation.  You watched the tears and the pain the color purple caused him.  Would you talk about the color purple to him?  Would you talk about the color purple around him to other friends? I have two conflicting answers that are battling like the Hatfield and McCoys and I can't seem to find a neutral agreement.  One thought tells me that talking about it brings up memories and demons that Bobby may not want to relive, so out of respect, you simply just don't bring up the color purple unless Bobby brings it up first.  My other thoughts tell me that talking about it with Bobby helps him deal with it in an outside setting.  Because the color purple will always be discussed around him, so he will have to learn to adjust his reaction when it's brought up in conversation.  Can Bobby look in the mirror?

          Issues of our social times are more exposed now than they ever were.  Which is also why people believe this world is more evil than it is good.  We focus on it. The media thrives on it.  But what if Bobby doesn't want his demons exposed?  Is it okay to expose the issue Bobby had with the color purple to other people?  One thought says, it's not your right.  The other thought says, it could put a filter on conversations brought up around him... which in the end is a way of protecting him. What if Bobby was okay with only a select few knowing he is coping with the color purple.  And although he knows the color purple is out there, he just chooses to not let other people know he has had a bad run in with the color purple.  Is it okay to let other people know Bobby had this dilemma?  Were you there for this thing that the color purple did to him?  Or were you just there to help him pick up the pieces afterward?  How can you expose something to someone without knowing the entire situation?  I can tell Lisa Frank that I don't like ketchup and she may tell Bobby Joe that I don't like tomatoes, because that's the way she interpreted it.  But I love tomatoes. So should we really be talking about someones demons if they aren't our own?  When is a good time to do so?  

          I don't know the answers to these questions, which is why I ask upon any of the readers to give their interpretation.  If you're dealing with demons, if you're dealing with voices around you discussing your demons freely, and if you're struggling with any of the above... look in the mirror.  Look and the mirror and always remember one thing.  You are who you want to be.  You are not who they say you are!  

                                                                        Yours truly,
                                                                       Amanda Rae


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