Hello Solitude.

          Welcome to a new day my readers.  Today is Pie day, which rhymes with "My Day!"  I chose this day to talk all about me! As Toby Keith says, "I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I." Obviously I know who I am, and I believe most of you reading this have a good understanding of the person I am...but I feel a need to further explain exactly who I, Amanda Rae, is.

          I consist of a complex mind, big dreams, and a strong will.  My eyes have only seen moments beyond seventeen years, but my mind has experienced so much more.  As I said before, all secrets are out my friends.  I'm not holding a darn thing back.  

          I'm basically your typical seventeen year old teenager, trying to make a difference in this world.  I've had my times when my nose just wasn't in the dirt, I was basically buried in the dirt.  I had times when I wasn't walking on water, I was walking on the clouds.  I've been a drug addict, an alcoholic, a whore, jail bird, and almost a mother.  Life is hard for all, but if one can handle a situation in the correct manner, one can benefit from even the worst experiences.  I've found myself thanking the ones who have caused me pain, because due to their wretched soul...I've become a stronger person than they have ever fathomed of being.  

          We all have our faults in life, and things we wish we could take back.  But once you look back on the steps you've already taken in life, and are happy with the shoes you're walking in...then don't frown upon the past, embrace it!  If you find yourself not satisfied with the person you are, you aren't dead yet...there is time to change. 

          I have been clean of drugs for over eight months, and no longer step near a car if the driver has consumed any alcohol.  I've learned in recent years that each moment of life should be cherished, and a sober moment is cherished more than a drunken moment. A second of thrill can lead to the ending second that is last remembered.  

          Readers, I became very interested to see how others view me.  In my eyes, I am diverse and complex.  If you read my first blog, you'd remember the way I described the functions of my brain.  A cavity full of twisted, interloping tubes and wires that all lead to one thing...one unknown thing.  I've got a purpose for all of these thoughts, but I just haven't figured it out yet.  I got a little help from my fellow students, friends, and family.  I asked a variety of people to describe me in one or two words.  I asked people who knew everything about me, to people who barely knew me at all.  I'm going to share 25 of the responses I got;

1. Sarcastic
2. Talkative
3. Outspoken
4. Creative
5. Artistic
6. Insecure
7. Feisty
8. Outgoing
9. Short-tempered
10. Tall
11. White
12. Random
13. Strong-willed
14. Fearful
15. Complicated
16. Pretty
17. Over-Achiever
18. Unique
19. Artistic 
20. Awesome
21. Artistic
22. Perseverant
23. Thoughtful
24. Insightful
25. Honest

          I chose five to give the most insight too. Though they may not make sense together...it furthers my point of being a diverse being.

1. Strong-willed - (Heather Noles, a very close friend)  I am very strong willed.  I block out a lot of emotions to not let them get the best of me. In my belief, if one does not have emotions...one has nothing to lose.  If you can never be hurt, you never need time to regather yourself.  I save time in my daily schedule without getting caught up in the emotional attachment of someone or something.

2. Insecure- (Spencer Reihl, a fellow student who knows very little about me) After he said it, my jaw dropped. One, I don't discuss emotions or any insecurities with anyone...let alone in the classroom. He told me not to get offended, but his insight was exceptionally admirable. He further explained that even in daily routines in the classroom, he finds me correcting myself out-loud.  If I mess up on a word, trip into something...he says I call myself out even when nobody is paying attention.  He is a very intelligent guy, who is obviously very observant.  He completed that interpretation, leaving me with no further explanation.

3. Fearful- (Heather Noles, again) Of course, friends know you better than you do sometimes.  For those who know I'm one of the toughest people, mentally.  I AM very fearful!  I am fearful of knowing I might eventually care for someone, care for someone uncontrollably. You see, I pull away from a lot of things, because I keep my emotions under control.  One day, I might not be able to control them, and it scares me beyond belief.

4. Sarcastic - (Mrs. Hanna, my art teacher)  Oh Sarcasm, how you are my best friend.  Covering up emotions takes a lot of work, and then sarcasm comes along.  My sarcasm is used to mend my personal agony, so it tends to come out quite frequently.

5. Persevering-  (Jason Bryant, my brother) Never give up on anything, because the moment you give up...is the moment you regret. I have a die hard or go home attitude in everything I do in life.  I compete with myself at times just to keep a continuous improvement. 

          

          I am a package of many different emotions, thoughts, and arguments.  I am not asking you to accept my ways or even who I am...because lord knows, most people don't accept the opposite of ordinary. 

                            Yours truly,

                        Amanda Rae