I'm even becoming proud

Well for those of you that kept up with this blog, I will say now... I'm very sorry about the time lapse in me not writing. I didn't have a computer for quite a while. But, I am back!

        About six months ago, I swallowed up all of my fears and got into a relationship and learned oh so much on my journey to falling in love. The lessons I've learned about myself and life in itself are far beyond just beneficial. First of all, I learned to take chances.  Being scared to give your heart away just makes you unhappy. If you hold your heart close due to being happier that way, then I don't believe you're losing anything. But if it's your self fears holding you back, learn to let those go. Every one is going to get hurt by love or something at least once. Nothing works out the way we have it drawn out in our heads. We all have our twisted stories that make us stand up straight in the end. My relationship obviously didn't go as planned, and we have now broken up.

        Do I regret the relationship? Do I regret moving across country to be with him? Do I regret leaving things behind because of him?  Never a day in my life.  We may not be right for each other, or it just may not be the right time. But whatever the case is, opening my heart up was so relieving.  It was a feeling of self accomplishment that I can do this. I can love someone back and embrace a relationship.  Embrace the feelings of butterflies when you kiss each other after a long day at work.  Embrace that feeling when you look at your significant other in the distance and think, "That person is really all mine." Embrace the way your body almost aches with the feelings you get from being in love. But two very important life lessons I've learned are, you must almost forget about what you want in order to remember what you need and never, NEVER, let yourself start to sacrifice your happiness for someone else's happiness.

        Giving up things for someone all comes with being in a relationship. It's called sacrificing for the one that you love. But when you start to give up your happiness, you've given too much.  I almost believed in this most recent relationship, that because I found love, that I should never let it go. That I may never find that chance again. But then I thought about my life and everything I've overcome here in the past few years. I risked being hurt by my biggest fear, love. I did it and I got hurt. Most importantly, I went through with it and I know one day I'll be able to do it again when the time is right. So I wasn't giving up when I decided it was my time to leave. I was doing what was best for myself.  Because that's what life is all about right? Self improvement. We are constantly changing ourselves and our surroundings to make us better people or make us happier with our situation.

        Changes are great. Taking chances are even better. I will continue to hold a tight grasp on to my heart.  But I have learned that letting it go to someone can be such an amazing experience, whether they deserve it in the future or not.  Knowing that you have the strength and are brave enough to put yourself out there, get hurt, and then pick yourself back up is a feeling romantic love can't even amount to.  Self love is more powerful than any love in my opinion.  So my advice, love yourself and love yourself enough to take a chance in loving someone else.

                                                Yours truly,
                                               Amanda Rae