I'm aware this post will probably cross my boyfriend's eyes one day, but for now... I know for a fact he has never read this blog. He may not even know it exists. But this post is far from being intended for him. My relationship, is far from perfect. We don't live in the same state. We live seven hundred miles apart. No, I'm not dating an online stalker. I know him, and know him very well. Long story short, we met when I lived in South Carolina. I moved away and now I am moving back because of him. Eighteen days until we no longer have a long distance relationship. But this post isn't for me to explain my relationship, but what this relationship has done to me.
If you've read previous posts, you know I'm very against relationships. Half of the posts were me fighting against them and trying to prove to people you don't need them. I still stand on that. I still stand tall and will say to anyone in this world that I do not need a relationship nor a man's love to make me happy. I have however changed the way I saw and viewed relationships. My relationship was never expected. A dear friend of mine told me a life motto that influenced me take these steps into commiting myself to someone. "A broken heart never mends, but a fool never moves on." I wasn't holding on to my ex-boyfriend. I wasn't holding on to what him and I had. I was, however, holding on to all the things he did to me. I was holding on to all of his lies. I was holding on to the cold hard way he proved me right in my dis-belief in stable relationships. The dis-belief I had since my parents got divorced.
We are people that hold on to our past, fear for our futures, and find ways to cope with the present. Stop being afraid. Stop just simply coping with what's going in your life. And let the hell go of what happened in your past. The problem is, too many people will find one thing against what they wanted in life and then they ruin what had already exceeded their expectations without ever even seeing it. Another saying I came across here recently. "I believe that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want to be loved, doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have." Nobody sees the world like you do, because life should be about finding the beauty in the ugly world we live in. But we see the ugly far before we see the beauty and it seems like we're almost searching for it. We become more interested with failure than we do success. We live in a world full of twisted ways, cynical people, and unattainable perceptions.
The point in which you change your life and get into a relationship will never be what you intended for it to be. The image we've all created of what person we will fall will never be the one we truly fall for. You can't search for it. You can't give up on it either. My boyfriend and I may not spend the rest of our lives together. Anything can happen and jeopordize what amazing thing we have going, but I'll never regret a moment I let go of my fears and took the chance. I can be alone, but I can also see the beauty in what being with someone else can bring me. So goodbye to my lonesome bitter path and hello to the beginning of a path down yet another journey. As I take each step further into this relationship, I will check for potholes and I will check for puddles, but I will not hesitate to take another step.Yours truly,
Amanda Rae